Despite not getting much done this weekend, I have learned what some of the problems are with me and getting motivated.

To begin with, for the past several weekends I used the mantra “if I didn’t go out I would get stuff done.”  That was my Big Excuse, my way out.  If I didn’t have such a hopping and active social life (ha!) I would have time to sit at home and work, work, work.  Well, this weekend proved that wrong…kind of.





I turned my phone off Saturday afternoon to avoid distractions. Completely turned it off.  No one could get a hold of me and I really wanted it that way.  During the work week all I have are people coming at me, asking me questions, needing something from me, always around me, surrounding me.  And, at times, I absolutely hate it.  This weekend I figured if I cut myself off all I would have to focus on is me and what I needed to get done.



 

Yesterday, Saturday, I slept the entire day.  No, really, the entire day.  I went to bed at 10:30 Friday night and woke up at 1 p.m. yesterday.  Then I fell back to sleep at 5 and slept until 1 p.m. today.  Sleep seems to be my escape.  Whenever I feel beat up and completely worn out sleep is like me plugging in to recharge my battery.  I woke up today and felt great.



 

The first issue was my thesis.  I had to get something done today.  My thesis, for those of you who don’t know (or care), is based around Sharon’s idea.  She has created a CD for relieving stress; a hypnotic suggestive trance-like track that puts people at ease.  It’s really an amazing CD (although, I admit, I haven’t had much experience listening to trance inducing CDs) and I believe in it.  A few months ago (December, maybe?  November?)  I was talking to Sharon about possible thesis ideas and she suggested that I act as a marketing manager for her product.  This idea was based on the fact that, at the time, I was taking a Marketing and Sales class that I really invested a lot of time and energy into and was enjoying it (for the most part).  I thought it was a great idea because not only is it something I’m interested in, but it’s practical and I can learn from it.  The alternative was, basically, writing a 50-page paper which I can do in my sleep.  I wanted to do something different and that had a practical edge to it.  Something I could maybe talk about on job interviews or even mention in a resume.



 

So, in effect, my thesis is creating a full scale marketing plan for Sharon's CD, putting that marketing plan into affect and then recording our results, reactions and challenings in a 10-15 page paper.



 

I called Sharon today because, before I can really map out her marketing plan, I have to get certain information from her.  I have been avoiding this for almost two months now and I am still not sure why I have been not making the phone call to her.  I realized why today.  I called her and started asking her questions about how she wants to market the product, who she wants to market it to, what avenues she wants to explore when marketing, etc.  Her answers were all the same,  “I don’t know.  I haven’t thought about it.”  I was really annoyed because the last time we spoke about this in early January I asked her to start thinking about these things so I can gear the marketing plan to her wants and desires.  And it was during this conversation I realized why I have been avoiding my thesis: because I have no idea what I am doing.  Not that I don’t know what I am doing in reference to framing and structuring the marketing plan, but I can't formulate a marketing plan around a product that the author doesn’t know how she wants to get it out there.  And, quite honestly, I feel this has ALWAYS been Sharon’s problem when it comes to new products and ventures.  That’s a whole other issue, though.  




After that phone conversation I said to myself, “Okay, I’m on my own.”  And I am when it comes to this thesis.  Sharon doesn’t know what the hell she wants or, furthermore, what I need from her.  Now that I know it’s all up to me I’ve already formulated a plan of action.  I already have an idea of who our demographic is going to be.  I know what I am going to start researching.  Before today, I had none of these answers.  Despite not having done any of the research yet, I have a plan of action!  Yay!!  This is more than I’ve had in the last two months!  I think I’ll actually have the marketing plan done by March!




The other plus about not going out this weekend is having money in my wallet on Sunday night.  I don’t have to worry about somehow making it through the week on $15.  Hooray!




I feel like a fog has lifted this weekend.  Yesterday, and the past two months, I wrestled through the mist, walked through, then slept in it.  Today I woke up and found that all I had to do to solve my own problems was surrender to them.




Although I missed going out and I didn’t have an once of alcohol this weekend there will always be other weekends and there are always the weekends that were.




I have been thinking about something Lauren and Katie said last weekend before they went to see Friday the 13th .  They said, “We like going to scary movies.  It’s a thrill.  Sometimes it’s fun to be scared.”  I’ve thought about that like every day since then and I realized I am terrified of scary movies because I am afraid every day of my life.  But it’s not a bad scared.  It’s a challenging, healthy scared.  I don’t need movies to make me scared.  I am scared going to work every day.  School scares the shit out of me.  The future always looms.  Why do I need something external to make me afraid?  Again, it’s not a daunting, uncomfortable fear.  It’s something that I think I need to keep marching forward.  Something that helps me reach goals and capture dreams.  I think my fear drives me…




…and I am sure now that I have it re-channeled it will fuel the new power I found this weekend in getting my thesis completed.