Quotes of the Month:

Lauren: "I want to be Harley Quinn from Batman for Halloween. I went online to try and buy the costume but they only had extra small, small and medium! So what I am going to do is buy all three and sew them together -- it should fit me then."

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Kimmy (running in from another room, excited and out of breath): "I'm retarded!"

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Kimmy, commenting on drinking to the point of blacking out: "My life is like a puzzle you buy from a thrift store. You just know that some pieces are going to be missing."



I realized today, in fact minutes ago, that I've only written six blogs this year. SIX BLOGS in ten months. That is insane to me. I used to write a blog every one to two weeks and now I am down to a blog once every one to two months.

I am starting to question my priorities. Is it weird that blogging is important to me? I used to think that I was lying to people when I would rant and bitch about how busy I was. Could it be that I was never lying at all? In my quest to feel important did I wipe away all the things that mattered to me because I suddenly am too fueled trying to fulfill requirements from the outside world?

I narrowed down that the blogging stopped at the end of last year. Even though chunks of time would pass between each blog entry last year I was pretty consistent in keeping track of events and what was happening in my life. Then 2008 steam rolled me and I stopped writing -- not just blogs, but completely.

It's interesting to note that since the beginning of this year trying to cram everything has been an issue for me. I want to meditate at least four times a week. I don't do it. I want to go to the gym at least four times a week. I don't do it. I want to blog more -- or just write in general. I don't do it. I have an idea for a play; I like to blog; I have an idea how to use all these pictures I clip out of magazines with a notebook I have -- I don't care if any of these pursuits get me published or recognized or anything at all. I would like to pursue these ideas just for my own creativity and satisfaction but I never do.

I don't know how to balance my time. I don't know how to work 40 hours a week -- sometimes more -- attend graduate school full time and still have energy left over for my own personal outlets.

I know that part of me is just lazy. Days when I have off from work or when I actually have down time I know that I could work towards these personal projects. I feel so drained from everything that I "have" to do (school, work) that adding something else to the list is not tempting and I lie listless in front of the TV trying to ramp myself up to do something worth doing but never accomplish to do it.

But is that really lazy or it is it just exhaustion?

I want to start taking more time for me and I don't know how to begin. Do I drink more coffee and get less sleep? Do I start neglecting responsibilities just to make some personal time? If I start neglecting responsibilities and then I start feel like I am not living up to my own potential does that make up for the personal time I am gaining?

For example, there are about 50 different topics I would like to write about right now. However, I am pretty tired and I have to get ready for work tomorrow and I just don't have it in me to sit down and write a 20 page blog. "Don't have it in me" -- is that just an excuse or is that completely valid? What exactly don't I have in me? How does somebody become more energized?

How do I get so motivated to do my own things that being tired doesn't matter anymore?